Oral is Moral

Joey Nicotra @joeynicotra https://unsplash.com/@joeynicotra Free to use under the Unsplash license.

What is moral?

One standard of morality says to “do unto others as you would have done unto you”. Now let’s be honest, most of us would like oral “done unto us”.

Sex experts agree that grown-ups should be more open-minded about how we have sex. We know we want more than routine penetrative intercourse. Most people are wired to crave sexual variety. And it’s true that many already incorporate oral into their sex lives. But just as many have hang-ups and are holding back from fully enjoying this pleasure. What’s the problem?

Oral sex has not been culturally normalized for adults to accept that it is a legitimate part of an adult sex life.

Why not? It’s a moral act, enjoyed by hundreds of millions of people. It’s harmless fun. Like intercourse itself, oral sex is intimate, bonding, and very personal — perfect for many people who love each other and want to express that love.

What’s so great about Oral

Here are some things I’ve learned from 30+ years of sex research.

It is one of the most normal and frequent human sexual behaviors.

In terms of frequency and normalcy, oral sex is right up there with masturbation and intercourse as universal behaviors, regardless of culture.

It’s pleasurable whether you’re in your twenties or your eighties

Whether you’re a young adult exploring or an elder in a nursing home, oral sex is always on the menu. When you’re young, it can be one of many ways to have sex. With age, significant weight gain, or disability, it might become the best choice, because penetrative sex can get complicated. Oral sex is a more physically comfortable way to enjoy orgasms for many. If you have a consenting partner who shares the interest, it’s something you can do throughout life together for pleasure and relief.

It conveys love and acceptance of your partner’s body

My client Robert once told me that when his wife gave him a blow-job it felt like an “I love you.” The problem was she didn’t like to give or receive because she was taught it was dirty and “not something dignified people do.”

He’s not alone. I’ve heard from women and men alike that a partner’s disinterest in going down on them felt like rejection. Lack of caring. Even lack of love, as Robert experienced.

It can be particularly hurtful to people who carry shame about sex from lessons learned in childhood — to them, oral sex is a type of affirmation that their genitals are beloved by their partner.

Some adults prefer oral to intercourse

It bears repeating over and again until people understand: the majority (two-thirds or more) of cis-women experience orgasm through their clit, not their vagina. That means they need direct stimulation to their clit — and oral sex is a very intimate and sex-positive way to get great orgasmic response from women.

Even many men prefer oral to intercourse for a long list of personal reasons. Meanwhile, for many adults — regardless of gender or orientation — oral sex is an opportunity to lie back and enjoy receiving.

It’s an opportunity for intense pleasure

When you’re totally focusing on one partner’s pleasure, you have the opportunity to take your time, give them your full attention, and see just how wild you can drive them. Many people take pride and pleasure in being able to bring their partner to the heights of ecstasy with their oral abilities.

Oral Sex Is Safer Sex (with one caveat)

Did you know a vagina is cleaner than a mouth? All human genitals, regardless of size, shape, or appearance are fundamentally clean, as are the body fluids emitted during sex.

Inhibitions about germs and thinking that genitals are dirty don’t come from a place of reason. They usually stem from misapprehensions and myths we pick up as children. Rather than being taught how special and miraculous genitals are, how they are true powerhouses of human pleasure, most people are taught that their proximity to anus and urethra make them fundamentally dirty. These are myths and fears that block a normal sex life.

CAVEAT: It’s critical to know your partner’s STD status since there are diseases that can be transmitted orally. You may also ask what medicines they take since drugs can alter the taste and odor of body fluids. If you have any reservations about either their sexual health status or the meds they take, or if you are with a new partner with an unknown sex history, use a condom or a dental dam to protect your health!

Buy a flavor-pack of dams now – *Disclaimer – if you buy after clicking on the dental dams I’ll get a small commission from the Amazon associate program.

What to bring to your best oral game

Consent

If you really don’t want to give oral, your partner shouldn’t pressure you to do it. If they’re someone you care about, let them down easy, in a respectful way, but you have the right to set your own boundaries.

If you’re asking for oral, be able to take “no” for an answer, and not to make your disappointment your partner’s problem.

Oral and Genital Hygiene

Many people brush their teeth after oral sex, but the best protocol is to brush BEFORE oral sex. There are far more bacteria swirling around the inside of the human mouth than there are in or on genitals (unless someone has an STD or other chronic infection in the region). That means you are more likely to transmit germs during oral than to get germs. So please, brush your teeth gently, and if your gums bleed easily, do not (repeat) give oral sex until you see your dentist and heal. If you usually brush after, trying rinsing with mouthwash instead.

The most civilized way to tidy up your genital hygiene before receiving oral is to sit on a bidet and auto-wash yourself. Since few people have that luxury, a shower or a sponge bath of the area are the next best things. Avoid harsh soaps and chemicals (they taste awful!). Genitals are naturally clean. Lots of fresh, lukewarm water should be good enough to refresh them before sex.

Positive Attitude

To most fully enjoy giving oral and make it best for your partner, a positive attitude will take you a long way. Here are three tips to help you be in the moment and enjoy the experience.

Try these three mindfulness tips:

– Focus on giving your partner pleasure. Clear your mind of other thoughts and be in this moment. Take this time to let yourself feel closer to them.

– Focus on your tongue — what can you do with it? Use that muscle. No calories!

– Focus on their positive feedback — little moans, erect nipples, their vulnerability in the moment, maybe a trickle of sweat as they heat up. Let their appreciative responses guide you – it means you’re doing something they really like! This will build your own sexual self-confidence. You know how to fulfill them!

Alexander Krivitskiy https://unsplash.com/@krivitskiy Free to use under the Unsplash license.

In conclusion

You’ve got this. Explore, pay attention to your partner’s reactions, enjoy a richer, more sensual sex life.

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