50 Shades of Lidocaine: Meet Promescent

Naturally, sex therapists think about problems & dysfunctions quite a bit.   The life of a sex therapist is never dull because we spend a portion of our days thinking about genital problems and dysfunctions and how to fix them. It leads to intellectual curiosity and wonderment about sex that sends us on strange trajectories….


Hack a Home Dungeon Tonight

Ideas to warm up a kinky winter’s night without leaving home or spending money.     There’s a reason people love a dungeon atmosphere at clubs and parties. It feels special to enter a space where so many different erotic fantasies can be fulfilled. The atmosphere itself seems to give people the permission they need to…


The State of the BDSM Communities Report

The first State of the BDSM Communities survey ended on January 5. As promised, I’m back to give you the data and short analyses of what the 10 questions revealed. At the end of the results, there is a general round-up of the survey itself, plus constructive criticism submitted by voters who felt other issues and problems should…


BDSM Builds Tools for Ecstasy and Intimacy in BDSMers. Here’s How.

I’ve asked thousands of people this question: “What is it about BDSM that keeps you wanting more?” It’s a more difficult question than my other coy conversation starter, “Why do you think you’re a BDSMer?” People have tons of theories about WHY they are into BDSM in the first place. They were born that way, or…


The State of the BDSM Communities: Survey

It would be so cool to know how things are trending for BDSMers, publically, privately, and politically. Like — are people playing more or less since Trump got elected? Are BDSMers more worried about con artists or dwindling educational resources? How many of us tried something — or someone — new in 2017? What do you…


5 Cliches About BDSM That BDSMers Should Stop Repeating

Myths, lies, and cliches about BDSM. When will they end? A good first step would be if BDSMers didn’t repeat them. It’s a problem. After 30+ years in the Scene, it’s painfully obvious to me that BDSMers still buy into cliches that they once heard at a class or read in a book without examining…


7 Must-See Funny BDSM Scenes in Movies

I’m always puzzled when I review “best BDSM movie lists” and find that some of my favorite scenes aren’t even listed. I guess each of us probably has glimpsed a whip or a corset or even bondage and spanking in films that stay with us for decades, even though they will, for a wide range…


Put Your Toys Away and Build Your BDSM Skills

I’m not saying there’s something wrong with toys. Heaven forefend. I would never ever tell you to get rid of them. Not the fragile latex that makes you glitter and shine, not the gleaming leather whip that makes you swoon nor the coldly glimmering cuffs and clamps that make sex so intense. Keep those favorite joy toys that…


Lust Death: 7 Things that Kill Desire

So I posted a little story on my timeline yesterday about how I once watched a handsome actor on some tv interview show. At the time, I had a serious crush on him and thought he was as hot as Satan’s furnace. I was somewhat interested in what he had to say, but tbh was really…


5 Signs Your BDSM Partner is Shady

Some of us are lucky enough to meet safe, ethical people to explore our BDSM interests right from the get-go. They prove to be kind, trustworthy and patient with even the newest of newbies and move at a mutually consensual pace. My friend Mary is one example. She had all the luck! She found someone…