5 Signs Your BDSM Partner is Shady

Some of us are lucky enough to meet safe, ethical people to explore our BDSM interests right from the get-go. They prove to be kind, trustworthy and patient with even the newest of newbies and move at a mutually consensual pace. My friend Mary is one example. She had all the luck! She found someone…


Talking About My BDSM Journey – BPK Podcast

Had a provocative and upbeat conversation with the amazing hosts of the Black People Kink Podcast, Dominus Blue and baby j. Great questions, deep conversations, and lots of spontaneous walks down my own memory lane, including Different Loving and my personal evolutions in the lifestyle. Now it’s been edited and published for public consumption. You…


3 Things Every Sub Needs to Know about BDSM Contracts

You cannot be a great submissive if you have a bad dominant.   A sweet 30-something self-identified submissive woman is sitting on my sofa, sniffling into her third tissue of the session. The conversation has been painful for her every step of the way. It’s taken her two years just to summon the courage to…


ASK GLORIA: A Guide to Defining BDSM Power Roles and Labels

An advice column for adults coping with sex, gender or relationship issues.   Dear Gloria,  Can you explain the difference between a Dom and a Top, and who would care? signed, Topdown   Dear Topdown, Thank you. I’d love to. So first, a brief summary of how people approach BDSM altogether to help demystify the many…


Better Living Through BDSM

photo credit: Jon Jacobs, 1988 Note: I was enjoying a sweetly loving evening with my life-partners last week when I succumbed to a fit of exuberant wise-cracking on social media that I should title my next memoir “Better Living Through BDSM,” because, well, that’s actually how I feel. So many of my followers said they…


BDSM is Not Your Grandfather’s Construct: Stand Against Racism

I’ve been on a rant about racist elements in the BDSM scene with my FB friends recently. After much thought, it seems like now’s the time to share it with everyone else. Below, a collection of rants, ending with a truly important excerpt from Different Loving Too on what BDSM racism feels like to a black BDSMer. It all…


3 Reasons Why BDSM Fails and 3 Rules to Follow

You meet someone who will act out your hottest sexual turn-ons. You get along with them outside the dungeon too. Dinners, movies, and BDSM. Wow! Suddenly, you find yourself fantasizing that you will spend the rest of your life with that sexy person. Love happiness AND BDSM games and orgasms will be yours forever more….


3 Ways People Screw Up BDSM Hook-Ups

While many people reserve their BDSM adventures to known entities — someone they’ve been dating or someone they live with — more and more Americans are just hopping on the Internet and hooking up for a night of outrageous fun with someone new. I won’t get into the long narrative you probably have heard from…


A Sex Therapist Tells All: 3 Things Every Fetishist Must Know and a free PDF too

  I love fetishes. I love them as a therapist and healer, and I love them personally, because I have them myself. Fetishes offer a unique window into what makes humans so human. Fetishes don’t just teach us that there are lots of strange quirks and variations in people’s lives. Fetishes show us the majestic diversity of…


QUIZ: Guess These Rare Fetishes

How many fetishes do you know? If you can name more than two dozen, you are a champ! But did you know that’s still just a drop in the big bucket of fetishes around the world? Nobody really knows how many fetishes exist, and they never will since old fetishes vanish and new fetishes come…