One of my favorite forms of therapy homework is asking a client to journal their thoughts, feelings, and ideas about the process we’re going through and the insights we are gaining. I know that it helps my clients a lot. It can accelerate the therapy process for them because they don’t just talk to me once a week, they actually work the therapy process on their own too. It gives them a place to share their wildest thoughts, their most intimate secrets, and things they might never say out loud. They can share the highlights of their sex-lives too, keep track of every success and accomplishment as they progress.
Writing can be a deeply self-healing, meditational kind of practice. It’s great exercise for your brain too since it forces you to slow down and focus on a specific subject for a period of time while allowing you to think deeper thoughts and ask yourself more questions about the choices you make. It can also be a joyful way to keep your mind sexually fresh by coming up with new fantasies, new ways to look at sex, and new pleasures to associate with eroticism.
These days, thanks to e-publishing, a journal seems quaint outside of therapy or a creative writing class. Instead, I want to encourage you to consider writing books about your own sex lives. Yes! Put some literary power in your hands and bring forth more brain energy by writing down your thoughts and feelings about your sex life.
You can shred it when you’re done or you can learn how to turn a document into a book with an open-source program like Scribus if you want a physical or pleasing digital copy to share with someone close to you. One way or another, you will end up with an authentic and authentically person book about your erotic journey.
They don’t have to be big affairs that run for thousands of page. They can be small books that focus on very specific topics (I’ll give you a range of topic ideas below, with descriptions of the kind of content they should have). You can even write several at the same time, simply by creating different files and then writing a paragraph or a page to any one of them whenever you have something worth adding.
The best part is that once you have these books they can be your own permanent library of spirit-raising, ego-boosting, and life-affirming inspirations. Read them to grow your erotic imagination. Read them to stoke that sexy energy in your brain. Read them when you need to remember how much joy you’ve known. Read them as a way to count your blessings or giggle over your adventures. And read them to keep your energy for your partner fresh and joyous, especially if you write a book about vibrantly erotic experiences you’ve shared with them. In other words — read them. 😀
You will thank me when you are in your 90s and re-reading them for the 99th time and grinning to yourself in secret delight.
USE THESE 7 TIPS TO WRITE THE BOOKS OF YOUR LIFE
1 These are living documents. This means you can keep adding pages or editing things you wrote before. The only time limit is the span of your life. Feel free to be the Marcel Proust of your own erotic behaviors and let the book grow as large as your libido.
2 These are your books. This means you can decide to stop working whenever you like too. You probably won’t want to share it in print if it’s only 10 pages but, hey, it’s your book. Maybe you do, and that’s cool too. In fact, maybe you’d like to write a dozen tiny books and share them with your intimates. When do you know it’s a book? When you feel it’s a book. Not a moment sooner or later.
3 You can think of this as a short-term project with specific goals. Or you can take a relaxed approach and return to one (or more) when you’re in the mood. Either way, this is not a stress practice; this is a self-healing practice. Pace it comfortably and enjoy yourself. Do what professional writers do and set up a writing station where you can write every day (or night), replete with cozy slippers or cozy pets to warm your toes, favorite beverages, and any other little comforts that will keep your ass in the chair (or on the couch) long enough to write for 20-30 minutes (or longer) without interruption.
4 Before you sit down to write, make some plans in your mind about what you want to write. Perhaps something cool happened last night — think of fun phrases or clever ways to express it. Don’t over plan it, just come up with a few choice bits you can chew on later. When people sit down at a blank screen with a blank mind and wait for something to come, it never does come. Meanwhile, if you start getting too detailed in your head or build bigger and bigger ambitions, you may burn through your writing energy before you get back to your device. Stoke your writing energy wisely: lay the ground work, kindle it with fresh ideas, wait for your brain to start smoking, and the urge to write will catch fire in your heart.
5 Don’t try to write like someone else and don’t try to embellish and puff up your life. KEEP IT REAL. The more naked you can get, the better the results. Keep the fiction for that novel you were planning to write. This is all about you and the more honest you are, the more you will learn about yourself.
6 EVERYONE CAN WRITE A BOOK. Doesn’t mean it’ll be a good book or a book anyone else wants to read. But all you need is a 7th-grade education to get your basic ideas down in a form you can read and understand. That’s right, if you can read and write on the Internet, you can write one of these books to nourish your soul and deepen your joy.
3 TITLES AND 9 TOPICS YOU CAN USE
Use my suggested book titles or make up your own.
⚡ 1 MY BOOK OF SUCCESSES
Document the good times! Focus on some of the best erotic experience you have had and keep track of the ones you are having today. Your goal is to create a book that lists all the best of your erotic memories or chronicles what you are doing today and why you are happy about it.
Possible Subjects (pick one or all)
Best or funniest memories from your teen years. Got any whoppers that make you laugh today? Remember any high-points from dating or getting naked with someone? Tell those stories.
Sexiest encounters you’ve ever had. If you had any amazing lovers or any specific moments with your spouse that you recall with special fondness or pleasure, don’t let the passage of time diminish those memories. Document them, and detail what they did and what you did that made the experience so grand.
Happiest moments with the one(s) you love. Maybe your joy didn’t come from the sex. Maybe you didn’t even have sex. Just tell the stories about the time you felt so close to the partner(s) you have today and so happy to be with them that you felt blessed in that moment.
⚡ 2 MY EROTIC SONG BOOK
Do you make up little songs in your head or create funny lyrics to go with songs you already know? Did you ever think of a song you wanted to write? Fill this book with all the music you can, whether it’s lyrics that fill you with positive energy or just a handful of lyrics that express your deepest, sexiest feelings.
Possible Subjects (pick one or all)
Give your sex life a soundtrack. If someone was making a movie about your sex life, what songs would it include? Create your own soundtrack by copying meaningful lyrics or phrases into your book, or include videos you find on youtube. No one said the book had to be all words, so add video files and clips you can play back for your own entertainment. Don’t just add the songs though — write something about them, like what the song means to you, why it feels relevant to what you’re going through (or went through), and why the people in the songs remind you of yourself or someone you were intimate with.
Write Filksongs for love. Filksong is a term for a popular folk festival tradition, where you make up new lyrics of popular songs with tunes that people recognize. The simplest ones are based on basic songs with lots of repetition (like “The Battle Hymn of the Republic”) but if you realllllly love making up alternate lyrics, you can make them up for any piece of music, even a Beethoven symphony. Write new lyrics for someone you love and, if you’re brave enough, try singing it to them. Then, of course, quickly come back to this book and write down how they reacted. You’ll know which Filksongs were crowd-pleasures and which ones need to be deleted.
Create the music of your heart. Whether you’re a musician or a wanna-be musician, crafting original songs with original tunes is a beautiful way to honor the lover within. It doesn’t have to be to or for anyone but yourself. It doesn’t have to be all happy either. It just has to reflect your personal truths. Let your secrets out through music and write songs for yourself to help you fully connect with your feelings. Use the songs to encourage yourself during difficult times and let them lift your heart when you’re singing praises. It’s a little-known fact that music soothes the tame breast too. 😉
⚡ 3 MY EROTIC COOKBOOK
For some of us, food and sex go together like…well, food and sex. YUM! No matter whether you go for fine wines and expensive cheeses or pepperoni pizza, food is a natural companion when it comes to dating, setting a stage for romance, and generally pleasing and seducing your partner into some bedroom fun. Mixing food and sex, or food and flirting or food and erotic experiments, or basically food with anything sex will leave more lasting memories. The flavors and smells of things, the contentment you felt tasting them, and all the perceptions that are added when food is present give our memory banks some extra fuel to form more powerful memories.
Possible Subjects (pick one or all)
Tasty Titbits. If you or a partner love to cook, keep track of the culinary successes you’ve shared together. If you are more the order-in or eat-out type, then include the foods others made but which you and partner have loved sharing together. Are there certain kinds of foods that enhanced your closeness? Did you visit a restaurant that was so charming or upbeat you felt more in love? Or do you still remember that one perfect pizza whose box you carried into bed so you could have leftovers when the loving was done? Record any and all memorable (including humorous or sweet) experiences you’ve had that combined romance with food. Don’t forget to include a description of the food, the place you had that food, and how it made you feel good about your partner or yourself.
Ideal love meals. This one requires both a love of food and some imagination. Ready? First, imagine there is no limit to your budget. You can afford even to fly in your favorite foods from far-off lands. So use your limitless resources to conjure up some kick-ass menus that could only be repaid by a grateful partner with an amazing night of sex. Keep the junk food of this list and eat like a billionaire in your sex fantasies. If you want linen tablecloths, you got them. If you want specific dishes to serve it on, they are yours. You can even add a section where you specify what you and your guest(s) will be wearing to celebrate such a feast with you. Who knows — maybe one day, you’ll actually be able to recreate one of these fantasy meals and add that experience to your book of happiest moments.
Recipes for sex. Do you love to google? Go forth and research. Hit your favorite search engine or foodie site and start looking up the kinds of foods that promote good blood flow and good metabolism to improve your physical performance in bed. Many natural herbs and spices can alter our body chemistry to awaken our erotic senses; some foods can make the penis and the vagina taste sweeter. If you’re open-minded, you can even research recipes that incorporate love juices (like semen) into a tasty blend. Then take what you’ve learned and create some fun variations on the foods you already eat to create recipes you can serve. Let your hedonism and health-consciousness be your guides.
