Help! My Vagina Has a Mind of Its Own!

“But I love him,” Madelyn said. “But he isn’t good to you anywhere but in bed,” I said. “And not even always then?” “I know,” she said. “I know….” I waited for more. “But I love him. I just do.” “I know. But, look, you’ve given me a long rational list of his flaws. Now…


Help, My Penis is Bent: Diagnosing Peyronie’s Disease #urology #malesexualhealth

A reader contacted my FaceBook fan page the other day, asking if I could recommend some recourse for his bent penis. He was in his 20s and was freaking out. He was ashamed to have sex and fearful of his future. I told him it could be Peyronie’s and to get to a urologist asap….


5 Signs Your BDSM Partner is Shady

Some of us are lucky enough to meet safe, ethical people to explore our BDSM interests right from the get-go. They prove to be kind, trustworthy and patient with even the newest of newbies and move at a mutually consensual pace. My friend Mary is one example. She had all the luck! She found someone…


Talking About My BDSM Journey – BPK Podcast

Had a provocative and upbeat conversation with the amazing hosts of the Black People Kink Podcast, Dominus Blue and baby j. Great questions, deep conversations, and lots of spontaneous walks down my own memory lane, including Different Loving and my personal evolutions in the lifestyle. Now it’s been edited and published for public consumption. You…


3 Things Every Sub Needs to Know about BDSM Contracts

You cannot be a great submissive if you have a bad dominant.   A sweet 30-something self-identified submissive woman is sitting on my sofa, sniffling into her third tissue of the session. The conversation has been painful for her every step of the way. It’s taken her two years just to summon the courage to…


ASK GLORIA: A Guide to Defining BDSM Power Roles and Labels

An advice column for adults coping with sex, gender or relationship issues.   Dear Gloria,  Can you explain the difference between a Dom and a Top, and who would care? signed, Topdown   Dear Topdown, Thank you. I’d love to. So first, a brief summary of how people approach BDSM altogether to help demystify the many…


Better Living Through BDSM

photo credit: Jon Jacobs, 1988 Note: I was enjoying a sweetly loving evening with my life-partners last week when I succumbed to a fit of exuberant wise-cracking on social media that I should title my next memoir “Better Living Through BDSM,” because, well, that’s actually how I feel. So many of my followers said they…


BDSM is Not Your Grandfather’s Construct: Stand Against Racism

I’ve been on a rant about racist elements in the BDSM scene with my FB friends recently. After much thought, it seems like now’s the time to share it with everyone else. Below, a collection of rants, ending with a truly important excerpt from Different Loving Too on what BDSM racism feels like to a black BDSMer. It all…


3 Reasons Why BDSM Fails and 3 Rules to Follow

You meet someone who will act out your hottest sexual turn-ons. You get along with them outside the dungeon too. Dinners, movies, and BDSM. Wow! Suddenly, you find yourself fantasizing that you will spend the rest of your life with that sexy person. Love happiness AND BDSM games and orgasms will be yours forever more….


You Answered These 3 Questions about BDSM — Poll Analyses

Keeping my promise to you that I’d revisit the polls I’ve run on this site, I decided to take a close up look at 3 of the 10 BDSM Polls featured here in April in case you haven’t had a chance to keep up with the stats coming in. First, an interesting background note: over 1000 people peeked…