Most of the time, for most people, orgasms follow the same predictable patterns. You start to feel a little turned on, you get moist and warm, then you get hot and wet, and before too long, you get to that ecstatic transcendent O. Once it is over, you feel relaxed and relieved.
But biological diversity is a fact of life, and for some adults, orgasms do not end on a predictably pleasant note. In fact, occasionally, an otherwise healthy adult may have an episode of strange discomfort after orgasm, like feeling cold or getting a muscle spasm.
I wrote last year about the mysterious and painful orgasm headache, a phenomenon that can strike adults unpredictably so that just when they should be sighing in relaxation they feel like an ice-pick just blew through their skull. Such headaches have been linked to hormones, neck muscles, brain function and more, but most times, there is no identifiable underlying cause. Doctors must ruefully admit that because the brain and neurological system are so intimately involved in orgasm, one tiny crossed wire can create a little post-orgasmic tsunami in your body and locating it is usually more work than it’s worth if the episode resolves without lasting damage. At best, they can (and usually do) take a conservative approach and test you if you tell them about it to be sure it isn’t an early sign of something else.
While orgasm headaches and other neurological oddities usually resolve quickly and without treatment, some of them can persist annoyingly, even painfully, unless you get treatment. Meanwhile, while they appear to be extremely rare, it’s also possible that many post-orgasmic problems are under-reported because of the embarrassment factor. Who wants to admit to a stranger in a white coat that they cry after sex or that their anus hurts after vaginal intercourse? In fact, many adults may not even make the connection between the orgasm and the weird symptom and think their arthritis is suddenly acting up or that it’s a mental problem fault if they suddenly feel sad.
Two medical researchers recently did a study of all the potential creepy-crazy side-effects that have been reported to doctors though and came up with a surprising list of bizarre after-effects of orgasm that turn a person’s ecstasy into a surreal nightmare. In the jocularly titled study, “Did You Climax or Are You Just Laughing at Me?,” two medical doctors
7 Bizarre Side-Effects of Orgasms
Paralysis: Orgasms can be tiring, especially at the end of a long day or if you didn’t get enough sleep and protein that day. But some people literally become disabled afterward. Cataplexy, one of the most extreme reactions to orgasm, can leave an adult totally depleted. For a moment or two, you’ll feel like the air went out of your body: your muscles melt to goo and it’s an effort to move your jaw to form words. You even lose skin tone! Cataplexy is generally thought to be brought on be sudden strong emotion, so that would explain why the thrill of orgasm could also make you feel weak as a kitten afterward.
Crying: We may have to rethink the old French expression “le petit mort” (the little death) to describe how people may feel after an orgasm. It may have a biological basis and not the kind of romantic drama that writers and philosophers have assigned to it. For now, we don’t have science to explain it, just the patient files to prove it: some adults, male and female alike, cry uncontrollably after orgasm. They can’t help it. They get terribly sad for no reason science can understand. Since it’s so well-documented, though, it’s probably just a throw of the genetic dice that you get teary-eyed after tenderness.
Laughing: Would you rather cry like a baby or laugh like a hyena after sex? Yeah, me neither. But just as some were born to weep, some were born to burst into strangely giddy humor after sex and start laughing for no reason. Well, there is a reason. Extreme laughter, like extreme sadness, are both expressions of powerful emotions. Some researchers think you can’t separate the powerful feelings of love you experience during sex from the extreme emotional reactions you have afterward. So maybe that’s why you can’t stop giggling while your sweetheart gives you the stink-eye. Medical science doesn’t have any answers to the mystery yet but the best advice is to embrace the giddiness. And maybe alert your partner that you are not laughing at them. Unless you are.
Sneezing: Speaking of uncontrollable behaviors, sex-induced sneezing is a thing. The first recorded case happened in 1897 and has been documentary numerous times since then, yet doctors still don’t know why it happens. It could be that tissue in your nose gets erect and irritates an achoo out of you. The sneezing can start during arousal or can come on suddenly after you come. This condition is linked to “honeymoon rhinitis,” which is when you don’t sneeze but you get nasal congestion. Either condition, by the way, can be safely treated with nasal decongestants.
Vaginal and Ass Pain: In one of the crueler orgasmic blows to the female body, many women, especially middle-aged ones, are surprised when they feel a gripping pain in their pelvis after orgasm. Doctors call the phenomenon Dysorgasmia but have no idea what causes it. Symptoms may feel like intense menstrual cramps or can be even more painful, radiating through the pelvic region and making their anus throb with pain. Thankfully it is rare but not so rare that you or a woman you know may experience it one or more times in middle-age. There is some speculation that it may largely be a pre-menopausal event, but there hasn’t been enough study to understand who suffers the most or why it’s happening.
Itchy Agony: While all sexy people get juicy while being sexy, some people feel sucked dry once they have their orgasm. Their skin is irritated or inflamed and scratching only makes it worse. This strikes males and females alike. You jerk off or you do the beast with two (or three or more) backs, and suddenly you want to scratch yourself raw. There is no explanation why, but if you are naturally prone to allergies, eczema or don’t hydrate enough, this reaction might hit you hard. I will speculate that raising your body temperature through sexual excitement could be triggering histamines, as happens with conditions like urticaria, but I’m a sex doctor, not an allergy doctor so suffice to say, no, God is not punishing you for masturbating, you just need to keep coconut oil or butter handy to quench the after-effects of normal fun.
Postorgasmic illness syndrome: the most disturbing and terrifying mindfuck of all is probably POIS, or post-orgasmic illness syndrome. Seen only in males, and usually starting when they’re in their teens and 20s, this devastating disorder can get triggered by a simple male orgasm. Starting within 30 minutes of an ejaculation, it can last up to a week. During that time, the sufferer can get any of a range of debilitating side-effects, from seizures to flu-like symptoms, amnesia and mental confusion, several muscle pain, allergies, anxiety, depression, aphasia (inability to communicate clearly or understand others) and other frightening symptoms that can make victims and their loved ones think they may be dying. While the syndrome typically fades in a day or two, symptoms of POIS are life-altering. Medical treatment is advised to manage the condition and give males a better quality of life if and when POIS recurs.
Rest assured that most people will never experience any of these orgasm issues and that, even if you do, they usually fade in a few hours. But if you notice that it happens more than once, or seems to be getting worse, get to a doctor and take advantage of all the medicines they have to manage the disorder and alleviate the stress they can cause. Be aware and stay safe!
