If you are connected, you can’t escape it. The news is overwhelming and appalling. Everyone is freaking out — and not in that 70s fun disco way. This is more like a late 60s bad acid trip. Those of us who didn’t vote for Trump are still in a state of disbelief that someone so morally vile now helms the nation; and those who did vote for him think the emperor has new clothes that anarchists want to take away. Helluva time we’re living in. I am hopeful that one day the history books will have fun with this bizarre interlude in American history but right now, I am seriously concerned that some people are melting down under the stress of it all.
This was brought home to me yesterday when 10 different organizations filled my emailbox with dozens of appeals for cash, for petition signatures and calls to politicans, all couched in language that makes a person feel like the world is about to end. Well, yeah, technically the world could end tonight. There are some big-ass asteroids out there….
OR it could continue along in its usual limping, pathetic way, as it has for millennia. Which is my optimistic guess. I think we’ll survive this bitter pill of a political reality and see better days. This has been a shocking wake-up call for millions and millions of decent Americans who are now more keenly aware than ever of the enormity of the social ills underlying our so-called free society.
But none of us will know how things actually do pan out if we grind ourselves down with fear and stress during this minor apocalypse. And surviving to see what happens next is what this article is all about! Here are five tips that can help you stay sane.
1. FIGHT FOR THE CAUSE YOU BELIEVE IN
Are you enraged by rollbacks on LGBT rights? Are you infuriated about health care? Do you want to help take down some loathsome political toad? It will help you if you focus on one personally meaningful battle instead of trying to support all the causes that other people want you to fight. Maybe you can’t help feeling moved by other causes — great, do what you can for them too.
But you will be a much more effective activist if you devote your resources to one or two specific groups and learn how to help them succeed in an agenda you heartily endorse. It doesn’t have to be the most popular or trending cause. Just the one you believe in the most. It will also let you engage fully with the group, look at them in depth and form alliances with exciting new friends as opposed to randomly answering calls to action from groups whose full platforms and officers you don’t know. So pick your battle and give it your best shot. Don’t get distracted by the myriad groups constantly emailing you and trying to rile you up with the latest brain-splintering statement from some right-wing numbnut. Focus on winning the fight you think most deserves your support.
By the way if your real cause is racial inequality or sexual freedoms or poverty or something totally different, ROCK ON! Animal rescuers included! Your activism is as necessary today as it was yesterday. So don’t neglect the causes you care about the most because of the political turmoil. Stick with the ones that resonate with you emotionally and where you feel you can make a difference.
[div class=”statement”]What keeps people motivated to fight? For some, it’s the feeling that if they don’t fight, then they already lost.[end-div]
2. YOU CANNOT CONTROL THE OUTCOME
The hardest thing about living in these times is the sense of powerlessness we all feel. We can’t rectify the wrongs or quickly reverse new national policies we hate. Becoming politically active helps people to feel more purposeful and engaged in shaping outcomes. But no one (as the 2016 election brutally illustrated) can accurately predict outcomes, no matter what the babbling pundits on Twitter or on TV say or what the latest polls show. Even when your group SHOULD win, they may not win. Even when all signs point to victory, you may fail. This is a simple life lesson every adult needs to face. Bernie faced it; Hillary faced it; we need to face it. Failure is as much a part of the process of success as success itself.
So what keeps people motivated to fight? For some, it’s the feeling if they don’t fight, then they already lost. Whereas if they keep fighting they just might win and that would be awesome! For others, the battle against perceived injustice is its own reward. They feel better about themselves when they speak out. Being in the fray makes them feel alive.
But to remain an effective fighter for the long haul, you still have to stay cold sober about the reality that you are an element in a sociopolitical movement made of many different parts. The only outcome you CAN control is how you feel about what you are doing during this time of turmoil. So keep your feet on the ground. Don’t let setbacks get you down. Don’t give up hope even when your side is losing. Put it in perspective: you can lose battles and still win wars.
Most of all, if you choose to be politically active, do it because it nurtures your soul to be involved.
3. WORRYING LOWERS YOUR DEFENSES
Worrying is a natural mental defense in times of uncertainty. It gives us the illusion that we are somehow controlling the situation or at least gathering facts that will help us survive. But the way it plays out in human health is that worrying and brooding diminish our ability to stay in control of our emotions. The more we worry, the more emotionally vulnerable we become; the more vulnerable we feel, the more anxiety we feel. It’s a vicious cycle. But what sucks the most is when people become so obsessed with “what if X happens” that they neglect to take advantage of what IS happening. I’ve seen it over and again in activists: they sacrifice and sacrifice until they find themselves burned out and bitter. Why? Because they let stress rule their lives. They don’t take time to derive pleasure from the good things in life that sustain them, that inspire them, that comfort them. In other words, they lose sight of the very things they are fighting to protect.
[div class=”statement”]Worrying about the collective future will not change the collective future. Living in the here and now, however, can alter your own future.[end-div]
There was a scene in old film by Werner Herzog (Nosferatu the Vampyre) showing a town ravaged by the Plague. Surrounded by death, doomed to die themselves, a group of people decked in magnificent clothes sit down to a debauched banquet in the middle of the deserted town square. The image was so powerful to me. How would you spend your last days if you know they WERE your last days? Would you run around in a panic about what the future may bring? Or would, like the people in the movie, try to suck up every ounce of pleasure that you could from whatever time you still had left?
Worrying about the collective future will not change the collective future. Living in the here and now, however, can positively change your own future. Focus on what’s good about your life right now. Suck the joy out of it in big happy gulps. Hug your kids a little tighter. Pet your fur-babies a little longer. Eat delicious meals. Definitely have more orgasms! 😉 (I’m a sex therapist, after all!)
Leave the worrying to your enemies. You don’t need that kind of negativity in your life.
4. YOU ARE NOT A BAD PERSON IF YOU DO NOT PARTICIPATE
I’m an armchair activist. I sign petitions and write letters and make donations and call congressmen and do all that stuff from home. I have not marched or attended rallies. Should I feel guilty? Maybe, but I don’t. I do what I can, as often as I can, and I do it as best I can. I’m okay with being somewhere in the middle between inactivity and extreme activity. In fact, I think armchair activism is great in the Internet age because holding politicians personally responsible by directly pelting them with letters and phonecalls and petitions is pretty politically effective. But that’s my choice, and something I enjoy doing. Really. I enjoy holding people responsible for their shitty, hurtful choices. 😀 I don’t know if it’s top’s disease or just my incredible earnestness.
Maybe you don’t even do the armchair kind. Maybe you don’t want to get sucked in to the maelstrom of political activism. I don’t judge you. That is your choice. Hell, maybe you voted for Mr. Trump. Anything’s possible. 😉 I’m just saying that no one should judge anyone for not “doing as we do,” or pull moral superiority on you because they shared a link on FB or made a clever sign.
Whatever your reasons for not joining the fray, non-participation is as valid as participation. (No matter WHAT the groups that want your money say.) Your reasons are your own business and the people around you should respect your choice. It doesn’t make you a bad person or lesser than someone else if you follow a different path. This is YOUR life. You didn’t surrender it when the elections rolled around. People who get pissed at you for it are, in colloquial English, “too et up” by the frenzy. They need to back off. You’re fine.
5. TUNE OUT OF THE WORLD AND TUNE INTO YOUR JOY
Because the media and political organizations are so keen to grow their memberships, ratings and overall numbers, every new story is worded in ways that send waves of panic and indignation through the atmosphere. Whether you are at the forefront of the revolution, a few steps behind it, or would like to opt out completely, the constant hysterical spew on social media and television news channels make it literally impossible for adults to avoid feeling scared, nervous, and obsessed with things they cannot control.
[div class=”statement”]Whatever helps you get into a state of true relaxation is your friend right now. Find that place. Go there daily. THRIVE![end-div]
So this is the most important thing you can do right now: take a break and manage your stress before it undermines your ability to function in your daily life. Just because the outside world is in chaos doesn’t mean you should be. And because times are so high-stress, learning to manage your stress responses is a necessary tool for modern life.
Take a day off from the revolution and go back to doing the things that make you happiest for a whole day. If you can afford to take some time off from work or domestic responsibilities, use it to escape into things that relax you. Taking a walk, attending a concert, cooking a kick-ass meal, working on that home improvement project you’ve been meaning to get to, and other affirmative activities will feed your body and mind. Positive action in times of stress restores a sense of control over your personal destiny. And that will alleviate anxiety and boost both self-confidence and optimism.
If you can’t take a day, then focus on what you CAN do to manage stress. Make a of three things that relieve your stress and work that list every week. If taking a long hot soak in a bubbly bathtub melts it off you, then make more time for baths. If Netflix, with or without the chill, peels off some stress, use that remote and get yourself on a satisfying binge. Whatever helps you get into a state of true relaxation is your friend right now. You will come back to the world feeling stronger and more centered. So find that place. Go there! THRIVE!
I want you to be healthy! Let the other side self-destruct and melt down. Your job is to survive them. That’s really the best revenge of all. Stay strong, and live to fight –and to LOVE — another day.
