5 Reasons Why Male Sexual Empowerment is Necessary

I’m a feminist who adores men.  And because that sounds like a radical, statement in 2017, it’s time for feminists to grow up and embrace the fact that feminism does not exist so we can blame men for all our problems.  Feminism exists because Western patriarchy has been a toxic mess of religiously uninformed cultural norms that are, at their heart, more perverted than anything a sadomasochist has ever done on a Saturday night.

One of the peculiarities of being a sex therapist is that you witness, in painful and gory detail, just how badly patriarchy has globally twisted and damaged men.  Among other things, it gives them such unrealistic penis-centered views of life and their own possibilities that it’s the rare man who escapes the lash of sexual self-hatred and self-blaming for normal sexual needs.  Whether it’s expressed by male rage against women or attempts to regulate and control women’s bodies, or whether it manifests as depression, shame or guilt for not living up to standards of masculinity, men get as screwed up by distorted ideas about gender, sex and entitlement in this culture as women do.

There is privilege, of course, lots and lots of privilege.  Men generally get a bigger voice, more respect, more personal freedom, and earn more money too.  Those are core issues for all sex-positive people: rectifying the social inequalities so that gender stops being a better meal ticket for people born with a penis.  ALL genders deserve love and dignity. ALL genders also deserve candid and supportive dialogue about the unique challenges their gender faces in a world still dominated by poisonous patriarchal standards.  And yet dialogue about how culture wounds men deeply, and in their most vulnerable place (their sexual identity) is virtually nil.

So I’ve been working on putting together a Male Sexual Empowerment series (available now in audio or ebook versions) to share some of the work I’ve done with men in my office.   I know how spectacularly unfair cultural expectations of men can be and how it can cripple their sex lives.   I don’t know of any surveys on it but my clinical and life experience abundantly shows that negative cultural messages inhibit and distort male sex drive and performance. From straight-up lies about male masturbation to widespread mockery of male genitalia, antagonism against male sexual frustration and unrelenting shaming about their biological make-up, patriarchy breaks men’s natural connections to their own erotic potentials.

Here is a short list of just 5 ways that patriarchy messes with male-bodied people, and why they need to be sexually re-empowered

1.  Men only feel as good as their penis.  If their penis isn’t big enough, hard enough, ready enough when their partners are ready, they feel like they failed as men.
2. Women are taught that their vaginas are like a gift they are giving to others, a precious secret sacred temple they share.  Men are taught their genitals are junk — unattractive, inconvenient, potentially offensive and weird-looking.
3. Male sexual dysfunctions are scarcely addressed in public dialogues. But talk to men privately, in a safe space like my office, and the vast majority of them have some complaint about their function, whether it’s not enjoying the sex they are having to losing sexual interest in their partner to not feeling in the mood for sex.  And in virtually every case, the problem was not in their biology but their psychology.  A leading cause of male sexual dysfunctions, from compulsions to erectile problems, is self-hatred in the face of negative cultural training.
4. We never talk about the wide-scale sex frauds perpetrated against cis-men.   Can’t get it up?  You’re not a real man! Send a wad of money and we’ll send you pills that won’t do anything except make you hope for results that will never come.  CAVEAT PENIS PERSONS!  Pill-pushers and charlatans blast men with ads that crudely target their sexual insecurities and sell them useless quack treatments, counting on men feeling so embarrassed they bought them that they don’t even complain or ask for refunds.  Fake remedies for men are a $4 billion dollar unregulated industry.
5. Men’s natural relationships with their bodies are suppressed, punished and shamed.  It starts during toilet training, goes on throughout adolescence and continues sometimes until the end of their lives, depending on the belief systems they adhere to and the partners they end up with.  Some men crack from the strain, with predictably terrifying outcomes. Most men, however, disconnect their authentic sexual potentials from their conscious identities, and end up blunting their sex drive and losing body sensuality.

A vital part of reclaiming authentic male sexuality means breaking with the negative, disempowering training around male sexual performance.    In my Male Sexual Empowerment series, I tackle the biggest myths about male sexuality, from penis enhancement to genital self-acceptance, and explain which enhancement techniques are all hype and which ones work.   I explore the four key stages in the male sexual life cycle, to help men understand that their sexual responses evolve and change throughout their lives, and offer facts on how men can maintain their sexual fitness into their 80s and beyond.   And I walk listeners through relaxing, self-loving techniques to  to unlock male sensuality.  Each of the three sessions in the series is packed with brain food to stimulate your mind and exercises to wake up your body. I guide you through “Conscious Masturbation”  and other sensual exercises to help you achieve the best and longest-lasting erections possible through all-natural means.  In my special series of  “Man-Firmations,” we work together on boosting the spiritual core of your sexuality, by building a healthier, kinder, and saner perspective on male genital beauty.

I adore men.  I know they are sexy.  I’m on a mission to show them how to be even sexier.