Three Steps to Sexual Self-Empowerment: Reclaiming Your Authentic Potentials

Sexual self-empowerment is the process of overcoming the negative cultural training and learning to exploit your authentic sexual potentials

 

I wrote yesterday how none of us are immune to the near-global cultural negativity about male genitals.  No matter where you come from, the lessons you probably learned about your genitals (unless you were fortunate enough to be raised by sexual free-thinkers) was that they are ridiculous looking and nasty.   If you’re a woman, you may have an instilled distaste of your own genitals because you think that secretions are gross or that because the vagina is a few inches from the butthole it is contaminated by bacteria.  If you’re a man, you may feel competitive about the size of your genitals and your performance in bed, constantly worried that you don’t live up to cultural standards of masculine prowess, or that you will be cruelly judged if your penis size or stiffness does not meet expectations.

The more vibrant your circulatory system and the healthier your pelvic floor, the more your genitals will tingle and puff.

 

Sexual self-empowerment is the process of overcoming the negative cultural training and learning to exploit your authentic sexual potentials.  It’s about accepting that your whole body is ONE organism not a bunch of disparate parts glued together.  You may not consciously think about sex but your body continually cycles hormones in your bloodstream and your genitals will respond to the cycle even when you aren’t fully aware they are responding.  That’s why men get morning wood — erections are a natural part of the daily male sexual cycle and a sign that a man is brimming with sexual energy and health.  Blood to the penis and to the vagina ebbs and flows randomly throughout the day.  The more vibrant your circulatory system and the healthier your pelvic floor, the more your genitals will tingle and puff.

Yet even the most seemingly hedonistic and exhibitionistic people may still struggle with genital anxiety.  The most common expression of this generalized anxiety is, without doubt, the dread men feel about not getting hard when they’re in bed.  But women suffer similar performance anxiety — it just takes different forms because our genitals are different.  Women are less inclined to worry about the actual size of their vagina and deeply inclined to worry that they smell bad or that the whole secret cavern of moist little lips and folds is ugly.  Men and women, gay and straight and bi and trans all share another common worry:  that they are somehow not naturally good enough in the genital region to fully satisfy their partners.  They try pills, surgeries, and other frightful and unscientific ways to enlarge or to medically minimize their genitals instead of working with their natural biology to enhance their authentic potentials for pleasure with the equipment they have.

It’s almost inevitable that we become genital-conscious in negative ways, because our attitudes may set in as early as during our toilet training.  It’s during that period, usually somewhere between ages 1 and 3, that children learn how to properly dispose of body waste and avoid the germs contained in poop.  If only that was ALL we taught them!  Instead, many parents conflate proper cleaning with the idea that genitals are equally dirty.  In teaching kids to manage their functions, many care-takers convey explicitly sex-negative messages.  They train girls to associate genitals with elimination and bacteria; they rigorously train boys to avoid touching themselves.  And they usually do so by shaming children, pressuring them, or making them feel guilty if they touch themselves “down there.”

 

The good news is that a learned behavior can be unlearned.  If you were trained to see your genitals in negative ways you can untrain yourself.

 

Negative attitudes towards genitals become a fixture in our sexual formation, forever altering the primal joy we were born to know and instead producing humans with a warped view of sex based on the misinformation, myth and ignorance that has been passed from generation to generation for thousands of years.   Again, if you were one of the lucky ones whose parents did their job in toilet training you without actually trying to break your natural sexual curiosity, damaging your sexual self-confidence, or convincing you that genitals are the demon, you may already be totally good with your body.  But you are a rare creature in this world.  Thank your parents for that.

For the rest of us, the good news is that learned behaviors can be unlearned.  If you were trained to see your genitals in negative ways you can untrain yourself.  Each of us has the power to break out of wrongful thinking that leads us to mentally disassociate from our genitals and fear they are undesirable in their current form.

Here are three rules to follow to break out of the cultural negativity

 

1. Stop drawing an invisible line around your waist.  Your mind does not naturally draw that line.  You learned that from your care-takers.  If they were uptight about sex or didn’t know how to calmly and kindly explain to you what genitals are and how they function and why it’s important to keep them healthy, then you missed out on the education you actually need to become a sexually healthy and happy adult.   Humans need age-appropriate facts, not ideology or shaming.

I’ve seen people literally destroy their own sexual function by embracing sex-negative beliefs that left them inorgasmic, limp, dry and ultimately phobic about encounters.   Your genitals are you, as real as your hands and as important, if not more important, to keeping your life and your relationships in good working order.  Stop treating them like second-class citizens attached to your body.  They ARE your body.  Make peace with them.

 

Humans need age-appropriate facts, not ideology or shaming.

 

 

2. Stop self-shaming over natural body functions.  A few years ago a bunch of social media feminists got upset when a study showed that women’s ejaculate (the extra splurt of juicy juice we squirt during extreme arousal) contained traces of urine.  To paraphrase their position:  scientists were shaming women who already felt ashamed about their juices so scientists should shut up about the fact that the urethra may be involved in female ejaculation.  Well, goodness me: maybe these feminists need to accept the vagina in all its weirdly wet, wildly sticky and occasionally flood-like functions.  Women are BUILT to be juicy.  So are men.  The juice comes out differently, in different ways, but we are all full of sexual juices.   It’s not just normal but desirable to be juicy.  Juiciness is our hormones way of saying “here’s a gift of lubrication to make sex more fun for you.”  Ask anyone who can’t get wet how they feel and they will report that absence of lubrication makes sex a tedious and sometimes painful endeavor.  Similarly, men who fret over the volume of their ejaculate, who fear offending a woman by shpritzing it on her, or who are embarrassed by pre-cum dripping are in the same juice-negative boat.

Stop hating yourself for having human genitals.  Stop judging your genitals.  They don’t want you to feel bad: they exist in part to help you feel amazingly great, biologically speaking.  So stop shaming your own body for being juicy and full of primal potentials.  If you really believe something is dirty down there, it’s probably because a silent critic inside you is all kinds of fucked up over the negativity drilled into you by parents or Sunday School or some other source who didn’t know what they were talking about.   LET. IT. GO.

 

3. Start exploiting your potential for erotic bliss

You know the expression, “success is the best revenge?”  Apply it to your genitals.  Start retraining yourself.  Find nice things to say about them.  Choose a term to call that part of your body that is sweet or flattering instead of cliched and crude.  Don’t just stick a toy in a hole — touch the hole with your fingers, play with it, give yourself beautiful new sensations.  Keep a cloth handy to wipe up juices or taste them on your fingers if you want proof that sex juices are actually kind of nice and inoffensive.  You still can’t whip them out in public but you can flail them around in your bedroom and pleasure them in new ways.

Whatever your size, shape, or degree of wetness, that part of your body is your go-to stress-buster, life-juice dispenser, and the sacred source of a natural high so rapturous and visceral that it cannot be described with mere words.  Work those genitals with love and compassion.  Don’t fear them.  Touch them.  Retrain yourself to be a truly sex-positive person.

Sexual liberation starts at home.  Exploit your own potential and find the real rapture you were born for.

 

 

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