7 Must-See Funny BDSM Scenes in Movies

I’m always puzzled when I review “best BDSM movie lists” and find that some of my favorite scenes aren’t even listed. I guess each of us probably has glimpsed a whip or a corset or even bondage and spanking in films that stay with us for decades, even though they will, for a wide range…


Put Your Toys Away and Build Your BDSM Skills

I’m not saying there’s something wrong with toys. Heaven forefend. I would never ever tell you to get rid of them. Not the fragile latex that makes you glitter and shine, not the gleaming leather whip that makes you swoon nor the coldly glimmering cuffs and clamps that make sex so intense. Keep those favorite joy toys that…


Lust Death: 7 Things that Kill Desire

So I posted a little story on my timeline yesterday about how I once watched a handsome actor on some tv interview show. At the time, I had a serious crush on him and thought he was as hot as Satan’s furnace. I was somewhat interested in what he had to say, but tbh was really…


5 Signs Your BDSM Partner is Shady

Some of us are lucky enough to meet safe, ethical people to explore our BDSM interests right from the get-go. They prove to be kind, trustworthy and patient with even the newest of newbies and move at a mutually consensual pace. My friend Mary is one example. She had all the luck! She found someone…


Talking About My BDSM Journey – BPK Podcast

Had a provocative and upbeat conversation with the amazing hosts of the Black People Kink Podcast, Dominus Blue and baby j. Great questions, deep conversations, and lots of spontaneous walks down my own memory lane, including Different Loving and my personal evolutions in the lifestyle. Now it’s been edited and published for public consumption. You…


3 Things Every Sub Needs to Know about BDSM Contracts

You cannot be a great submissive if you have a bad dominant.   A sweet 30-something self-identified submissive woman is sitting on my sofa, sniffling into her third tissue of the session. The conversation has been painful for her every step of the way. It’s taken her two years just to summon the courage to…


ASK GLORIA: A Guide to Defining BDSM Power Roles and Labels

An advice column for adults coping with sex, gender or relationship issues.   Dear Gloria,  Can you explain the difference between a Dom and a Top, and who would care? signed, Topdown   Dear Topdown, Thank you. I’d love to. So first, a brief summary of how people approach BDSM altogether to help demystify the many…


Better Living Through BDSM

photo credit: Jon Jacobs, 1988 Note: I was enjoying a sweetly loving evening with my life-partners last week when I succumbed to a fit of exuberant wise-cracking on social media that I should title my next memoir “Better Living Through BDSM,” because, well, that’s actually how I feel. So many of my followers said they…


BDSM is Not Your Grandfather’s Construct: Stand Against Racism

I’ve been on a rant about racist elements in the BDSM scene with my FB friends recently. After much thought, it seems like now’s the time to share it with everyone else. Below, a collection of rants, ending with a truly important excerpt from Different Loving Too on what BDSM racism feels like to a black BDSMer. It all…


3 Reasons Why BDSM Fails and 3 Rules to Follow

You meet someone who will act out your hottest sexual turn-ons. You get along with them outside the dungeon too. Dinners, movies, and BDSM. Wow! Suddenly, you find yourself fantasizing that you will spend the rest of your life with that sexy person. Love happiness AND BDSM games and orgasms will be yours forever more….